Greek Peak
Having never skiied before, I signed up for lessons at Greek Peak during my college days in Binghamton. They were conveniently scheduled at night to avoid conflict with regular classes. So all of the following time on the slopes happened in the dark. A very cold, upstate New York dark.
The first lesson was frustrating. The young instructor referred to me as Matt Lobotomy. He said I was struggling with my form - while the others quickly graduated to the ski lift I was kept behind at the bottom of the hill with another student, Vicky, to work on our moves. Later he confided in me that my form was fine and he randomly chose me so as to not single out and embarrass Vicky. So at the end of the night he led me to the lifts so I could go up at least once. The chair swung around faster than I thought and I wasn't paying attention so its full weight collided with my skull. This probably caused permanent brain damage as I collapsed into the seat. I dropped my poles in the process and they had to stop the lift to get them for me.
My floormate Joel was taking this class as well. We rode the lifts together and didn't critize each other if one should fall down while deboarding at the top. About 80% of the time at least one of us would lose our balance and collapse after pushing ourselves off the lift, clumsily landing in the snow then quickly scrambling and shuffling over before the next chair unloaded better skilled skiiers onto the slope who effortlessly glided past us struggling losers.
By the third lesson the class was learning hockey stops. The snow plow just didn't cut it anymore - in order to come to a halt you had to quickly turn to the side while digging in with your upper boot. When done properly you stop immediately and kinda look like a badass. The instructor led the students up to the top of a steep hill, then went down first to show us how it was done. Joel went next, and succeeded in his attempt.
I followed suit, and gained pretty good velocity before attempting the maneuver. I twisted and dug and hot damn it worked! I was quite pleased with myself as I looked up to see the the instructor and Joel staring at me, not with pride or joy, but with expressions of impending doom. I still recall their faces oh so vividly.
Because the next thing I remember was tumbling out of control 100 yards further down the mountain. You see, the next student wasn't as capable at stopping, and instead drove into me at full velocity. I didn't see it coming. The instructor and Joel did, hence their sorrowful visages just before impact. I eventually finished rolling and found myself miracoulously unhurt outside of minor scrapes and bruises. The offending student broke their ankle and had to be carted off the hill.
The remaining lessons continued with far less injury except for one night where I fell and painfully twisted the same knee five times. As we got deeper into winter the nights were much more frigid. Joel and I would have multiple heat packs in our boots and gloves to stave off frostbite. The crowds also thinned because who the hell wants to ski that badly in such miserable weather?
It rained during the afternoon before our last evening lesson. This added a delightful crunch to the snow, but also reduced the already meager attendance throughout the day. This increased the chances that certain chairs on the ski lift may never get warmed by human asses, and instead would eventually become coated with thick slabs of ice.
We only learned this was even a real possibility much too late, i.e. while watching in abject horror as the approaching seat glistened in the moonlight. No time to react, we were scooped up and carried up the hill, our buttocks pressing against an unforgiving inch-high bench of frozen rain. We squirmed on the lift for the fifteen minute ride, hovering 30 feet in the air, continually shifting our weight on alternate cheeks as they eventually grew numb. Owie owie ow!
Halfway up the hill the lift stopped, probably because somebody down towards the bottom got their head bashed in and dropped their ski poles. Nooooo!!!!